Drifting Anonymously

I'm drifting from you.
Now this is terrible but i think it's simpler for both of us now to go our own ways and not look back.
Remember how we said that no matter what, there isn't a me and you, there is always an "us" ? Well i still believe in that. There will always be an us. No doubts about that. (here comes the dreaded "but"..) But you seem to be struggling and i seem to be getting in the way. I don't want to leave and let you struggle but I don't know what else to do, i can't seem to make you see my view on things.
It seems careless and cold, i know. And i'm sorry.
I will say goodbye, but that's not true because it's not good at all. It's a painful bye. Yeah. Painfulbye my friend.

50 things to do before I die

1. Become a fully fledged life saving doctor.
2. Fall in love truly and completely.
3. Become fluent in mandarin.
4. Eat snails.
5. Achieve black belt.
6. Own a house.
7. Tour America with my best friends.
8. Move country at least once more.
9. Go to uni and have the time of my life.
10. Make enough money to buy my mom the house with the huge garden.
11. Get a dog.
12. Defeat fear of cows. LOL. Evil things they are.
13. Kiss someone at the perfect place and perfect time.
14. Write a novel.
15. Have a Christmas with ALL of my family, romanians..british..japanese..americans..
16. Bungee Jump.
17. Sky dive.
18. Go to Cedar Point Amusement Park, Ohio.
19. Go on all the rides there.
20. Kiss someone in Paris.
21. Learn to ride a bike!!
22. Meet DK.
23. Take a gap year.
24. Have a seasonal job at a ski resort, as a ski guide.
25. Live with my stepsister.
26. Get married.
27. Have a 24 hour wedding/party.
28. Have a non-snotty non-crying adorable baby.
29. Switch lives with somebody for more than a week.
30. Sleep/lay awake under the stars.
31. Do the chacha with somebody without music.
32. Sing and dance to "baby got back" with a bad indian accent in a crowded elevator.
33. Write a love letter to Mr. Copson.
34. See Titanic in the cinema again. If not, buying a DVD will have to do.
35. Tickle one of the Queen's guards.
36. Dive with sharks.
37. Meet LT.
38. Just chill on a boat with someone special.
39. Tell my dad i forgive him and love him just the same.
40. Run a marathon.
41. Reach age 70.
42. Try pot.
43. Make lemon porn. (wtf?!)
44. Put all my belongings in a box, hide it and draw a treasure map for it.
45. Go to a rock music festival.
46. Read the WHOLE Bible...not just fragments.
47. Have a swing in my back garden.
48. Walk through a desert.
49. Tell everybody how i feel about them.
50. Achieve happiness.

If you only knew..

Spring break FINALLY!!!
I'm thinking a lot about Romania. Hell...i've never stopped thinking about it, but these few days more intensely than usual. What if i forget? What if i forget what it was like? Leave it all behind one morning? I'm not ready to let go of those 12 and a half years of my life.
This is my 3rd year in England, my 3rd school year and finally i feel less of an intruder. Less of a stranger, less alone.
I finally feel more comfortable with the idea of living here, it doesn't seem so strange anymore. I guess it's normal for it not to be a smooth run over from Romania to England since...it's so incredibly different.
I'm scared of losing touch with what i was and who i knew... I still miss it everyday but i don't wish i was there everyday, not anymore.
I figured what happened was that i couldn't let go of the people i eventually had to leave behind. That's why i found it so hard to warm up to anybody here. I warmed up to Cliff, my stepdad, eventually. I guess that was the biggest step, not to feel like an intruder in the house you live in.

I miss it though... I miss my friends, just the way we used to hang out, the way we used to be. The roadtrips we took, my memories are still with me.
I miss family terribly. Although even in Romania, we never were all together, my family is scattered all across the country. It was still comforting that they were a phonecall or 13 hour train journey away.

Now everyone is in a different timezone. One phonecall away that costs £5 a minute. And i don't think i could handle the train journey to get there.

And you ask me everytime...What's it like there? How are you? Is it different? Do you miss us?
If you only knew...

I wish you'd stop asking. I wish you knew how i felt, but you don't, you can't. It's me who has to deal with trying to fill up this emptiness as much as possible every year... as much as can go in at a time, from one visit. To last me for another year.

Sensations

They come under Walkers. All flavours are amazing, but Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli is way above all.
A lotta E numbers but i reckon it's worth it!
Ohhhh yes...... Even the packaging looks yummy to me. But then again, i'm starving.

Pacing

Teachers who pace up and down the classroom constantly should be shot. It's a classroom, not a treadmill, geez!

Guess Who Got Published?

Can you guess? Oh yes. Me. =)
My poem "Deadly Flight" finally got published and i received the ordered copies of the book today.
It's pretty cool because there are people i know who got published in the same book too, so in 30 years time we can look at what shite we used to write. :))
"Hey look, i used to write about...dead bugs!"...."oh oh mine was about cow turd!!" Fascinating stuffs. :)
So in your face Mr. Copson!!! Ha. My dead bug poem did kick ass, in contrary to what you said! Angry old man.
Well done to everyone that successfully made it in the book!! =)

P.S They had to print bastard as b*****d. LOL. Hehe.

No Grading AGAIN

I'm beyond upset. I'm proper sad now. And to make me sad...it takes quite a bit.
God... another week. We went to the school where it was supposed to be and...well guess what?! There never ever was tae kwon-do at that school, EVER, let alone a GRADING. We found this out from a Karate instructor.......LOL........ Now... i'm trying not to believe this but i'm starting to think my instructor lied to me. I really really hope that my mother's instincts are wrong... Although her predictions were right.
I just can't even begin to comprehend how someone would do something like this.
First he says that it was cancelled because of some branches fallen after the storm or something (last Monday) - AS IF. Really now, what has the grading got to do with the blocked road? There are plenty of roads around!!
Second i find out that well... there is no grading today. And there never will be one at that school LOL. Since it only does KARATE.
Thirdly we waited for him to show up there, and he didn't- his excuse: was lost.
You don't just think of a random school and tell people to go there and then not show up, you just don't do that!!!
I'm telling myself that...he couldn't have...it's impossible... it must all be a big missunderstanding, it wasn't his fault.
And i hope to God that i'm right and my mom's wrong.
Gah and i was so so ready. I was so ready last week. And ready 2 weeks ago when i missed it because of Belgium. I can't wait until June to grade. I CAN'T. If i have to grade in Liverpool i will, and he'd better give me a lift there. =O
I am too sad for words. I just hope it won't turn into anger followed by hatred. I don't want to hate him. I'm supposed to look up to him, to follow his steps in the art.
I'm so disappointed..

GÜ

There are certain things that one should eat before they die. =)
One of them is GÜ dark chocolate and almond torte. As seen here.
If that has your attention then check out the chocolate banoffees.
Scratch that!! Anything by GÜ is delicious...

Quasar

Quasar is now on the list of things that i REALLY enjoy doing!!
Maybe i'm a future psycho that likes shooting people, but chill, i don't have laser or machine guns in the house. Although Cliff's a "copper" and he might have some stuffs, anyways i don't know where those are hidden! LOL.
It was ze awesomeness... my team lost though, since there were only 2 people attacking and the rest were sorta just zooming about grrrrrr. Jon ran into me from a corner and nearly gave me a broken clavicle with his laser gun!! If he wasn't on my team he would've gotten the classic reflex punch i have for assholes. Team's gotta stick together though, no?

I have a cold. Having a cold at the weekend is no fun. Can't even skip school on the pretext that my brain is affected and my neurons are frozen. My sneezing extravaganza just stopped, thank God!! After you sneeze 17 times in a row (yes SEVENTEEN) it gets a bit boring/annoying. Training tonight too. -Sigh-
Kleenex..how i loveth thee, my hero.

No Grading

Ended up not grading Monday. Huge disappointment. I was so ready!! Grading upcoming Monday instead, yays! =)
Got a high A grade on english assessment, very proud of that. I can now go up to chavs and say: " Sucka, you've been speaking this all your life and you're getting an E grade :O " E grade...holy shit.
Eh well it could be worse, like... getting an U (ungraded). You have to try equally hard to get an A or U i think. I mean... Ungraded, how do you manage that??...true skills LOL. Will attempt it. But of course not on exams LOL, just for funzies on tests. On exams i'd rather aim for As, thanks very much.

Quasar tomorrow! Dark rooms and laser guns.. Awesomeness!!! =)