Colours

The first day that I was allowed to leave the hospital I woke up and saw red. I thought it was a dream, so I shook my head. Nothing's changed. Panicking now, what if I'm hurt? Bleeding? I checked my head and traced the line of blood across my forehead right to the back of my head. I am bleeding, but how, when, why?

Delano entered the room as he heard me screaming the loudest scream he and probably the neighbourhood have ever heard. With a puzzled, worried look on his face he hugs me. It frustrates me that he can't see it. How can he just be so ignorant? I am obviously bleeding from the head, and he appears to me as a big red blob. I open my mouth to speak out in protest but i can't. He starts speaking to me instead. Telling me how it'll be okay, that it was just a dream. He must be crazy, he's talking nonsense; how dare he think I'm dreaming?

There was this other unidentified red creature that I noticed standing in the doorway, watching me with big red eyes. And another, then some more, until I had at least 4 people around me.
These red strangers seemed to care, strangely enough. On the other hand, they seemed to be circling, waiting to pounce, maybe attack? This scared me and my blood pressure started rising steadily until I found my whole body to be the colour of my surroundings. I had to get out of there and start heading towards the steps. After the first step I remember everything spinning, upside down and twirling, and then black.

I woke up and saw green. Wow, this is pretty! Maybe I'm on Mars. I always wanted to go there, but I never imagined it would be so green!
I'm overwhelmed by a fresh smell- grass probably. Reggae music is playing from somewhere below and I notice some little, green, grass smelling, blobby yet friendly creatures appearing and climbing towards me. They stop and smile at me, signing me to follow them down there. I step forwards and I hear an evil laugh behind me. I turn around abruptly, only to find one of the blobs giggling at me and in the next fraction of a second it pushes me. I fell and it all went hazy green, then dark.

I woke up and saw nothing. Black.

Farewell Popsy..

Dear Popsy,

I will miss your slow reactions, and your forever crashing system. Your very low performance processor and your lack of capability to do the simplest tasks, your inexistent ability to burn disks or play DVDs and games, were a very big part of my life.
Your tickle button wouldn't let me click on anything and would dance around the screen clicking by itself on things that again, made you crash and then refuse to start up again, so that i couldn't finish my english essay.
Typing with you was always an adventure that made my blood boil and make me so angry that i actually wanted to uninstall your mother, Windows. I apologize if getting a new keyboard insulted your perfectly compact yet useless keyboard that had and still has missing letters.

It's time to look forward and i'm sorry that i have cheated on you with a newer, faster, higher resolution version of you, but c'est la vie, my friend. You aren't getting any younger. Your casing is nearly wrinkly, your keyboard is getting dust from not being used and we all know that you have only a few gigabytes to go before you're full up and overweight. Maybe you shouldn't have had so many cookies then. Need to know when to stop.
Maybe it's my fault for not keeping them away from you and for not scanning your health daily, for that i'm sorry. Maybe if i did, i wouldn't have had to cheat.

Leopold is the better you. Fully functional, speedy, with a functional keyboard he reminds me of a younger you.
I'll never forget how your viruses ate my programs and some pictures, still lost today. Funny how when Windows crashed on both of us, i pleaded you to come back to life and you did, for me. =) You looked out for me, keeping the net pervs away and i looked out for you, formatting disk C once in a while.
Remember this though, you were my first. Before you, Popsy, i was a laptop virgin.
Now i have to go, Leopold requires some installations.
Farewell my dear computer, we've had some fun times, some annoying times, and some kill-me-now-i-hate-technology times, but i'll focus on the good parts.

P.S I'm sorry i never got the full version of Norton for you.

What Colour Heart Do You Have?

Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love. And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone. Your flirting style: Hyper Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for! Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded What you bring to relationships: Energy

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Holy S***!!!

Au contraire to my parents' beliefs, i do also use the Internet for some good geek info.
Browsing through cracked.com i found an article about 6 Gruesome Disorders Anyone Can Get that completely shook me. That shit's scary. My "favorite" is the Cavernous Sinus Granulomatosis, which pains you like a nail stuck through your eye, in other words, painful shit!!
And I quote:
"Cavernous sinus granulomatosis is a condition where channels behind the eye become inflamed, putting pressure on the bundles of nerves behind it. These nerves, not having the chops to secure a legitimate gig doing pain sensation on the outside of the body, can't miss their time to shine and really lay it on thick. This can also cause blurred vision and a tingling sensation in the forehead, but most patients seem to focus on the OH MY HOLY FUCK sensation of a nail in their eye."

This wins the Ruru Award for "Most Painful Shit" for April 2008. No yay to that.

French Mute Dispute

Had french today. Usually the highlight of my school day, but not this time.
This time i managed to step off on the wrong foot with SR. Damn.
I hate arguing with friends, but even worse is when they are upset and refuse to tell me what's going on. Don't get me wrong, i'd always be in for a good argument, but not when it involves upsetting people I care about.
Turns out it was a misunderstanding, with him believing I was mad at him for not being able to come to my party because of personal issues. Oh those awkward silences...hate 'em. Truly.

After the lesson i burst and had to say something, so we sorted things out. We both opened up and i think he ended up grasping that i was in fact, not mad at him at all. Feelings out, opinions understood, compromise and hug it off. That's how things should be between friends. Neither SR or me are the kind to hold grudges so we're still ze awesomeness. Yay to that! =)

Has He Been Speaking?

I think i have a natural instinct to switch my brain off after my first step into my maths classroom. I don't know why, it happens everytime. Walk in> sit down> open book in attempt to complete exercises all results in me daydreaming. I daydream in all of my lessons but maths is the only one in which i daydream 100%, therefore completely blocking out anything Mr. Phillips ever says. I have noticed this defect, and i'm trying to snap out of it, because i have no idea what he's been on about for the last 4 months, at least, and i have an exam out of that blab-blab in a month's time. I got past the last exam (daydreaming through all of that term too) with a B+. Now, B stands for BAD, but i'd be alright with a B overall in maths for this year.

Thing is, the teacher isn't even boring, he's actually a very good teacher. Sadly, that doesn't make a difference to my stubborn anti-maths system. I feel embarrassed that everytime he looks at me i'm either yawning as if to swallow him whole, or obviously somewhere in another universe. I find myself waking up 40 minutes in the lesson, staring at him blankly and asking myself "Has he been speaking this whole time?" and if i find the answer is yes "What on earth has he been speaking about?"...

Let's hope i can pull this off for long enough to pass me this next exam. It's not my teacher's fault that maths bores me truly more than anything else, ever. Don't give me any pills, just make me do some maths and it'll act like or better than a narcotic. Instant sleep. Incredible daydreams in 3d graphics. LOL...
Doesn't sound like a mathematician in training, does it? No, didn't think so.

Happy Kiddo

Happy kiddo- yes I am! And i'm lovin' it.
People that couldn't reach me yesterday caught me today, which made my otherwise incredibly dull Wednesday happy.
Also, Cliff informed me of this Dell Vostro laptop offer which after i checked out, looks pretty fine! That would complete my present from him. =) He knows me well enough by now to know that technology makes me happy.
That doesn't mean i'm an 100% materialistic freak though. (only about 80%) The little things matter, i notice nice gestures and thoughts too, shockingly enough. Presents have to mean something to the giver and receiver. If they don't, then it won't work so well, at least for me. A long distance call, or simply a sweet message, maybe a smile, flowers, makes so much of a difference to a gift.
Oh geez, i'm still all soft and sweet from yesterday, i need to get bitchy again before i go insane!! Just kidding, i'm not made of stone.

15 on the 15th!

15 today! Happy Birthday me! =)
I still showed up in school, like a good student would, and oh boy it was worth it. My phone kept ringing and bouncing with texts and everyone remembered. I can't help but feel good on my birthday, and really you can't blame me. Assembly in the morning was weird, as we all sat down the song that was playing was saying "It's your birthday, enjoy it..", made me blush, hehe. In photography, my last lesson, they sang happy birthday to me and then suggested birthday beats, luckily i escaped the beats, but i appreciate the..thought...I guess. LOL

My mom got me this really amazing book with an included DVD on the human body; shows how much of a geek i am LOL. But hey, that stuff interests me so the present was a very nice gesture. I told everybody else to give me everything on Saturday, apart from family, who had no excuse. =)
Birthdays are meant to make you feel good and it certainly did that to me!
I appreciate it everyone, thank you. =)
My cheeks hurt so bad because i've been smiling/laughing all day...And hey, even the England weather gave in to make me happy- it did NOT rain!!

A few more hours and...

...I'll be 15!! Closer to thirty than 0... one year older, one year wiser? I don't think so. My mind is still 6. 6 going on 5. =) Invitations are off, party is official Saturday. Now all i have to do is wait and see if i turn into a scary 15 year old beast after 12 o'clock. =)

Beware

It was a frightfully cold and misty, rainy night when I was murdered. No one saw it coming, not even me, the victim.
I was coming home on my usual route. The only thing unusual back then was the weather-almost as if predicting something bad - 2 degrees Celsius in June.
Ever since I died, I have been keeping my eyes open for clues as to who had killed me. Detective instincts, I thought… But wouldn’t you want to know who killed you?
Yes, I am a detective…and I had recently been given a case of a serial killer. However, I wasn’t scared; I didn’t think he would hunt me down too. I didn’t think he had a reason to, I thought it was unfair.
What I didn’t know back then, was that he didn’t need a reason to do what he did. Before becoming a detective, I could say I hadn’t been the best person in the world. I have done some bad things- horrific in fact- in my life, but that didn’t give him permission to just take my life away.

Let me tell you about my murderer. His name is Tidus Zwei. His way of thinking, and looking at things was different-as if colour blind- he saw life in a different light. Maybe he didn’t see life at all, all he saw was death. That rush of blood to the head, that adrenaline pumping through his body when he saw someone suffering, that feeling of achievement, accomplishment was all he saw and understood. In other words, a sick man, a psycho, you get what I mean.
In total Tidus has killed 20 people, 21 if I include myself. All the victims were born on the 22nd, all of them killed on their birthdays. He made sure the bodies were found at exactly 22:22.pm. And yet, he was never found, never a trace, never a clue, all the police knew was that it was him ,the same one, whoever he was. Putting 2 and 2 together, anyone can see that I would not be his last sufferer- there was one more.

On the same date, last year, I promised myself and my loved ones that I would do anything in my power to not let them get hurt. The one I was most worried about was my twin brother, Aryan. His birthday is on the 22nd of June -in a week. I’ll come straight to the point here: I was suspecting him to be the next-and last- victim. It broke my heart to know that I was the reason why he was in danger. I admit to some uncontrollable haunting towards Zwei, numerous white nights, visits, countless nightmares, endless loathing…. What can I say? I am not exactly a peaceful soul, he made me this way, this restless, this malevolent. In a way, it all adds up, he made me suffer, so I made him suffer. But people like him just don’t get it. He didn’t understand that I had to even things out, I had to make him feel at least a third of the pain I felt, I had to…

He took away my life. I was swimming in an ocean full of lost souls -literally!- and I couldn’t find my way up, or down, I was standing in motion… while my mind raced through thoughts, plans, hopes and dreams, and my body stood still. He had full control over me, he was going to take the last good thing away from me, my other half, my brother.
As I think most of you would have done, dead or alive, I tried to stop it, I tried to save him, to save myself…from sinking.

Here’s what happened:
My predictions were correct. On Aryan’s birthday, Tidus was ready for him, ready for action. Because Aryan was really just a small revenge against me, Zwei was keeping it simple: a shot between the eyes. He waited for my brother to get home, where he waited patiently, hidden in the dark.
Come to think of it now, being a ghost wasn’t all that bad, I wasn’t just a ghost, I was a poltergeist. I could make myself noticed, I could hang on to real life objects. Pretty nifty, don't you agree?
So when he pointed the gun towards Aryan, I grabbed hold of it, struggling for power, struggling for life , even if just for a few moments. I managed to get hold of it partly, but I didn’t have time to point it away, before I knew it, a bullet shot through the air, towards my dear brother’s heart… Then, all I could hear were his heartbeats, in distress-as if out of rhythm- heartbeats that stopped when the clock turned 22:22, innocent heartbeats that were searching for survival in desperation, never finding it. In that split second, I thought the whole pulse of the world had stopped, in time with his. I killed him.

As the police sirens could be heard across the street, Tidus Zwei hung himself, realizing that he would be caught, blamed for the murder of Aryan, and the 21 other murders. Of course I was long gone and anyway, they wouldn’t suspect that a vicious ghost in fact had done it.
All that's left now are souls, lost, innocent souls and souls full of guilt. Here I am again, drowning in my own sorrow, stuck in that same ocean with no exits.