Has He Been Speaking?

I think i have a natural instinct to switch my brain off after my first step into my maths classroom. I don't know why, it happens everytime. Walk in> sit down> open book in attempt to complete exercises all results in me daydreaming. I daydream in all of my lessons but maths is the only one in which i daydream 100%, therefore completely blocking out anything Mr. Phillips ever says. I have noticed this defect, and i'm trying to snap out of it, because i have no idea what he's been on about for the last 4 months, at least, and i have an exam out of that blab-blab in a month's time. I got past the last exam (daydreaming through all of that term too) with a B+. Now, B stands for BAD, but i'd be alright with a B overall in maths for this year.

Thing is, the teacher isn't even boring, he's actually a very good teacher. Sadly, that doesn't make a difference to my stubborn anti-maths system. I feel embarrassed that everytime he looks at me i'm either yawning as if to swallow him whole, or obviously somewhere in another universe. I find myself waking up 40 minutes in the lesson, staring at him blankly and asking myself "Has he been speaking this whole time?" and if i find the answer is yes "What on earth has he been speaking about?"...

Let's hope i can pull this off for long enough to pass me this next exam. It's not my teacher's fault that maths bores me truly more than anything else, ever. Don't give me any pills, just make me do some maths and it'll act like or better than a narcotic. Instant sleep. Incredible daydreams in 3d graphics. LOL...
Doesn't sound like a mathematician in training, does it? No, didn't think so.

Happy Kiddo

Happy kiddo- yes I am! And i'm lovin' it.
People that couldn't reach me yesterday caught me today, which made my otherwise incredibly dull Wednesday happy.
Also, Cliff informed me of this Dell Vostro laptop offer which after i checked out, looks pretty fine! That would complete my present from him. =) He knows me well enough by now to know that technology makes me happy.
That doesn't mean i'm an 100% materialistic freak though. (only about 80%) The little things matter, i notice nice gestures and thoughts too, shockingly enough. Presents have to mean something to the giver and receiver. If they don't, then it won't work so well, at least for me. A long distance call, or simply a sweet message, maybe a smile, flowers, makes so much of a difference to a gift.
Oh geez, i'm still all soft and sweet from yesterday, i need to get bitchy again before i go insane!! Just kidding, i'm not made of stone.

15 on the 15th!

15 today! Happy Birthday me! =)
I still showed up in school, like a good student would, and oh boy it was worth it. My phone kept ringing and bouncing with texts and everyone remembered. I can't help but feel good on my birthday, and really you can't blame me. Assembly in the morning was weird, as we all sat down the song that was playing was saying "It's your birthday, enjoy it..", made me blush, hehe. In photography, my last lesson, they sang happy birthday to me and then suggested birthday beats, luckily i escaped the beats, but i appreciate the..thought...I guess. LOL

My mom got me this really amazing book with an included DVD on the human body; shows how much of a geek i am LOL. But hey, that stuff interests me so the present was a very nice gesture. I told everybody else to give me everything on Saturday, apart from family, who had no excuse. =)
Birthdays are meant to make you feel good and it certainly did that to me!
I appreciate it everyone, thank you. =)
My cheeks hurt so bad because i've been smiling/laughing all day...And hey, even the England weather gave in to make me happy- it did NOT rain!!

A few more hours and...

...I'll be 15!! Closer to thirty than 0... one year older, one year wiser? I don't think so. My mind is still 6. 6 going on 5. =) Invitations are off, party is official Saturday. Now all i have to do is wait and see if i turn into a scary 15 year old beast after 12 o'clock. =)

Beware

It was a frightfully cold and misty, rainy night when I was murdered. No one saw it coming, not even me, the victim.
I was coming home on my usual route. The only thing unusual back then was the weather-almost as if predicting something bad - 2 degrees Celsius in June.
Ever since I died, I have been keeping my eyes open for clues as to who had killed me. Detective instincts, I thought… But wouldn’t you want to know who killed you?
Yes, I am a detective…and I had recently been given a case of a serial killer. However, I wasn’t scared; I didn’t think he would hunt me down too. I didn’t think he had a reason to, I thought it was unfair.
What I didn’t know back then, was that he didn’t need a reason to do what he did. Before becoming a detective, I could say I hadn’t been the best person in the world. I have done some bad things- horrific in fact- in my life, but that didn’t give him permission to just take my life away.

Let me tell you about my murderer. His name is Tidus Zwei. His way of thinking, and looking at things was different-as if colour blind- he saw life in a different light. Maybe he didn’t see life at all, all he saw was death. That rush of blood to the head, that adrenaline pumping through his body when he saw someone suffering, that feeling of achievement, accomplishment was all he saw and understood. In other words, a sick man, a psycho, you get what I mean.
In total Tidus has killed 20 people, 21 if I include myself. All the victims were born on the 22nd, all of them killed on their birthdays. He made sure the bodies were found at exactly 22:22.pm. And yet, he was never found, never a trace, never a clue, all the police knew was that it was him ,the same one, whoever he was. Putting 2 and 2 together, anyone can see that I would not be his last sufferer- there was one more.

On the same date, last year, I promised myself and my loved ones that I would do anything in my power to not let them get hurt. The one I was most worried about was my twin brother, Aryan. His birthday is on the 22nd of June -in a week. I’ll come straight to the point here: I was suspecting him to be the next-and last- victim. It broke my heart to know that I was the reason why he was in danger. I admit to some uncontrollable haunting towards Zwei, numerous white nights, visits, countless nightmares, endless loathing…. What can I say? I am not exactly a peaceful soul, he made me this way, this restless, this malevolent. In a way, it all adds up, he made me suffer, so I made him suffer. But people like him just don’t get it. He didn’t understand that I had to even things out, I had to make him feel at least a third of the pain I felt, I had to…

He took away my life. I was swimming in an ocean full of lost souls -literally!- and I couldn’t find my way up, or down, I was standing in motion… while my mind raced through thoughts, plans, hopes and dreams, and my body stood still. He had full control over me, he was going to take the last good thing away from me, my other half, my brother.
As I think most of you would have done, dead or alive, I tried to stop it, I tried to save him, to save myself…from sinking.

Here’s what happened:
My predictions were correct. On Aryan’s birthday, Tidus was ready for him, ready for action. Because Aryan was really just a small revenge against me, Zwei was keeping it simple: a shot between the eyes. He waited for my brother to get home, where he waited patiently, hidden in the dark.
Come to think of it now, being a ghost wasn’t all that bad, I wasn’t just a ghost, I was a poltergeist. I could make myself noticed, I could hang on to real life objects. Pretty nifty, don't you agree?
So when he pointed the gun towards Aryan, I grabbed hold of it, struggling for power, struggling for life , even if just for a few moments. I managed to get hold of it partly, but I didn’t have time to point it away, before I knew it, a bullet shot through the air, towards my dear brother’s heart… Then, all I could hear were his heartbeats, in distress-as if out of rhythm- heartbeats that stopped when the clock turned 22:22, innocent heartbeats that were searching for survival in desperation, never finding it. In that split second, I thought the whole pulse of the world had stopped, in time with his. I killed him.

As the police sirens could be heard across the street, Tidus Zwei hung himself, realizing that he would be caught, blamed for the murder of Aryan, and the 21 other murders. Of course I was long gone and anyway, they wouldn’t suspect that a vicious ghost in fact had done it.
All that's left now are souls, lost, innocent souls and souls full of guilt. Here I am again, drowning in my own sorrow, stuck in that same ocean with no exits.

Everybody Leaves

EE might be moving away. It's only a might, so why am i so upset?
I guess the last time i heard someone say they're moving was my mom, before we left. I remember telling my best friend, God that was like torture.

Why do people always leave? It takes so long for me to attach and when i do, they leave. Everyone.
Screw it. I don't need this emotional crap now.

Oh and another thing. I went to this cookery "club" thing tonight and made apple turnovers.
They taste nasty - always room for improvement, no? =)

What Colour Is Your Mind?

Your Mind is Red

Of all the mind types, yours is the most impulsive. If you think it, you do it. And you can get the bug to pursue almost any passion. Your thoughts are big and bold. Your mind has no inhibitions. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about love, your dreams, and distant places.

What Color Is Your Mind?

Breathe!

This week has been exhausting. 5 days of school since Easter holidays and it feels like a month!
For the past 4 days i've been physics-ing. I finally handed in my project today.

Today i can relax, and i'd be a fool not to!
I was browsing through some blogs today and found numerous suicidal "thoughts".
Now suicide is something i don't understand. I understand that people deal with emotion in their own way, but to find suicide to be your only option out, whatever is happening to you must be pretty damned bad. However, on a less compassionate side of it all, you must be blind not to learn from your problems and not see the possible good outcome of it all.

I worry about some of my friends, that they might once have a moment of insanity and do something stupid like that. I'm sorry, but i can't describe suicide as anything other than stupid.

Mr. Wass, one of my teachers, who's subject i honestly don't know the name or meaning of, has taught me more than probably any of my teachers have. He is an inspiration to me, he truly is.
He taught me to find the best in people and not "look for splinters in one's eye". That's why, it worries me that some people i know just give up on themselves after a rough patch.
I believe the worst, most dangerous thing you can do to yourself is give up on who you are.
I know that if my friends are in a hole, digging themselves in, i'll be there to get them out, get the dirt off and slap them for stupidity, but i'd only slap because i care.

Speaking of friends, i noticed today what i knew for the past 3 years subconsciously. I realised that EE is a true friend to me. And that's nice to know. =)

It's the weekend, i can breathe in again before exams start. That's nice to know too!

Who Knew?!

Who knew school could actually be a blast? Especially a Monday and the first day back from holidays?

Here's the "gossip" (the good kind):

• JM isn't getting expelled anymore!
  
• Ruru got an A* on her english essay =O -happy dance-
  
• Ruru's birthday is coming up soon.
• Helen aka best friend got Taekwondo "pijamas" today!!! =)
  

That's gotta be worth a happy dance, no? -happy dance-

P.S I wasn't sure how you people(the english) spell pijamas so i typed that into Google and it showed me the things you wear when you go to bed, so it must be correct. LOL.

It Snowed!!!

So there is hope in England after all. It snowed today, for the first time since i moved here. =)
EE called me at 7am and persisted for me to answer after i think i hung up on her twice. I'm sorry about that by the way, EE. I think it's best if you wait and try to reason with me after at least 9am on a Sunday morning. But in the end, i picked up the ringing phone and looked out the window. This is what i found:

Not really much snow, but enough to make me smile. =)