And So It Begins

You could go through it all, but at the end, it all comes down to family.
Those people that at times want to strangle you, those people that at times you want to strangle. But also those people that you never want to leave, the ones that you would give anything for.

New Year's Eve... it was never about the party, or the food, or the champagne. It was about that minute that seems to always last longer than 60 seconds, that just lingers in space. That moment of release when your mind is free to think that.. "it will all be okay". For that moment, all is perfect, the world is pink. Trying not to speak for everybody here, but it would be a sad thought if not everybody got that feeling at least that once every year. Just for a minute, let go.

What better way than to share that with your most loved ones? None, i tell you.
It is all about them. All..

Green

An A pass in tkd on Saturday!! =) -jumps of joy-
Also mock results are in, so far so good, but i don't have my maths result back yet so... Anything might still happen.
Mum miscarried.
Yep, that's pretty much all that's been keeping me busy.

1,2,3, Go Away!

You know what i hate about family? The way you can't make them stop talking without sounding rude.
-sighs-
Apart from that, i love them really..
___________

A lot of new things are going on. But for the time being, it's under cover. Not to worry, not a paid murderer just yet. Not that i would post that on the internet! Ok, maybe i would.

It's "mock week", which means exam prep and sleep time. And the occasional friend breakdown. Yes, a lot happens when you don't blog. This is also one of the very few Saturdays in months that i haven't worked. Yay to that! =)

How British Are You?

You Are 15% British

Listen mate - you're definitely not British. Or Australian. Or Canadian even. British culture is simply not your cup of tea. And you're obviously off your trolley! If it just so happens that you live or come from Great Britain, you're still not British. There's not really anything British about you. Do you even like football matches or beer?

How British Are You?

A Break

I don't believe that being unhappy can be blamed on someone other than yourself.
Do people wonder what happiness is because they have forgotten what it feels like? I don't understand it, but i'm trying to. How can you forget how to be happy? Not knowing why you're unhappy is one thing, but forgetting? Silly.

It's hard to pick yourself up. But waiting for someone is much harder.
I realise today that... I'm happy. I wouldn't have done it any other way.
I won't question in depth why i'm happy, when it happened, or how.
Just accept it and hope it doesn't go away. Oh and smile. =)

Crowded

Haven't had time to blog, or when i had time i didn't have the energy to type the feelings.
I'm seeing myself turn into one of those professional multi taskers and i hate it. What happened to the weekends when i could not set an alarm clock and when i could go to bed as late as i liked? Now everything has a time. It's all scheduled, and it all has a price. School, work, and school work. Weird thing is, i'm not complaining, i like it like this.

I quit quitting chocolate. Was never going to work.
Learnt how to ride a bike, and the chocolate was my reward. =)

"As work goes up, talking goes down" a friend told me. What if i don't want it to go down? I don't want to lose touch, although already doing exactly that.

Decode

How did we get here?

I used to know you so well

How did we get here?

Well, I think I know

By Paramore

Withdrawal Symptoms

It's been 4 days, and i'm starting to think about chocolate more and more often. I also started working more.
Maybe it's not about getting rid of distraction that leads to happiness, maybe it all relies on what your distraction consists of. I admit a distraction such as essays and work is better for me than chocolate, but does it make a difference in the way i think? Maybe not. So why not have the more tasty, sweet distraction instead?

People Chemistry

I'm in a place right now where it's make or break, or more like make or work in Sainsbury's and become a middle aged fat unhappy sales assistant. Not that there's anything wrong with that (for those reading this that might be just that) but it's just not my cup of tea, you understand that, right?

I feel a certain element of fear that i can't push out of the way. I wonder if it's been there all along and I've just noticed it or if i have just concocted it. That fear of not necessarily not succeeding in every one's eyes, but that fear of things not going my way. I see this in the people around me too but mostly i notice it in myself because..well..the Ruru brain is what i have and nobody else's brain. I guess that gives a sense of reassurance that I'm not the only selfish, self-centered person around. Nobody wants to fail in the eyes of others, but above all, surely nobody wants to fail in their own eyes. I hope that makes sense- in my head it does. At least that explains how some of the most successful people out there are unhappy because in their own eyes they haven't succeeded at all. However, it is a rarity of people to be happy with themselves if the ones around them think otherwise. It seems odd to me, but then again, people seem odd to me too.

I'm sure if i read Cosmopolitan regularly it would give me some answers and screwed up perspectives to all these questions, but that would ruin the fun. I like to experiment it. And you know what's more fun than chemistry experiments? People experiments. People can have explosive reactions too, collisions, different concentrations even- the whole chemical package AND here's the bonus: A brain. It's brilliant.

If we're so dependent on other equally insecure people's opinions, then how can we ever be happy? Is happiness a state of distraction? A state of mind that has nothing to do with reality? Do we have to escape to have bliss? Personally i think that's the fake happy. The real happy shouldn't need distraction. Surely if you tried hard enough you could be happy without having to hide away with your iPod or book or playstation, you name it.
I haven't met anybody that can do that. We all have the things that distract us from deep thinking, when actually if we didn't run, wouldn't it make it all that much easier? My theory is that taking all the distraction away from a human being would have extreme outcomes. My prediction is that it could either make one be truly happy with themselves, or it would make them sink deeper into their own bullshit. (couldn't find a more philosophical way to put that, sorry)

I'm going to test this on myself. As with any addiction, you cannot take it all away all of a sudden, therefore i will take it one step at a time and as any good scientist would do, record progress. =) It sounds so simple minded that just typing that made me laugh out loud just then. Maybe simple mindedness works? It's worth a try..

To make this a fair test, i will have witnesses also, to make sure no altering of results or cheating is done. Will be measuring the change in temper of Ruru without chocolate.
That made me laugh too. =) For 2 reasons. One, the thought of me without chocolate. Two, i'm doing an experiment on myself!

Starting tomorrow: NO CHOCOLATE.

It's so crazy it just might work. =)

Art Trip - After

I have decided i love Paris more than London. Actually I'm not sure i even love London at all, i guess it was just one of the first giant cities I've seen and it shocked me. But Paris... It's my kind of place. A place where you can get lost ( and we did), a place where you can stare at artwork for hours..and hours (and we did), a place where you can wonder, dream, stare up high and low and everywhere you'd see beauty. It fascinates me how every time i go there i am mesmerised- I've only been twice but i would still go another hundred times.

I think most of us discovered a little bit about themselves, if not a whole lot on this trip. I certainly did discover a lil' something about myself, which i was trying to cover up so hard. I discovered that maybe I'm not as strong as i thought i was, and there's a scary thought. Certainly for the past 3 to 4 years, i have known that i could get over anything. Well that theory went up in bright flames when tears started rolling down my face at the sight of a confession booth inside Sacre Coeur.

It was a very self analytical trip for all of us, and i think some have solved problems and some have just opened up a box that was never meant to come up again. Turned out it was benefiting when we realised that we had friends there with us to back us up.

I thought i had faced my demons and won, but i guess some escaped and hid very well. Now i know where they are and what will kill them, so it's all good. This trip could not have been more perfectly timed... and I'm not speaking just for myself in saying that. It was about self-knowing and knowing each other as much or even more than it was about art. Actually that was art itself, if you ask me.

Art Trip - Before

In a mad rush to get rucsac and suitcase ready. Obviously it's not that mad of a rush, since i still have a few precious minutes to waste on here. =)

Guess what guess what guess what what what!!! I have a new camera. -jumps of joy- A Nikon D40!!! -jumps of joy higher and faster- Still thinking of what to name it but i'm sure inspiration will strike once i get to Paris.
We're leaving tomorrow bright and early and NikNik (temporary name..original, no? ) is coming with me!
So is Helen aka zebestfriend and Seb aka zesebster. But they're not important...oh no Niknik..you come way above all them. =) I'm so happy i could jump. No, that's wrong. I'm so happy i could jump again! -jumps of joy!!-

I don't think i've used this many exclamation marks since...well, ever.
Huge thank you to Cliff. He's ze awesomeness photographer, truly is. And you know the best thing about that, i can borrow all his bigboy lenses haha. =) It's great!

This trip should be interesting in terms of the people going on it. From the emos to the chavs and in between, there's enough of each social group to make this a very memorable trip indeed..

Yay to Paris and trips! -one final jump of joy...legs starting to ache- =)

And Time Out

Today is one of those days when everything is in balance. The end of the week... when i've finished all essays that were due in this week, put uniform in the wash, and threw my school bag as far away from sight as possible. Bliss. Today i haven't argued with my parents, or a teacher, or a friend. Today everything fell into place.
After a week of frictions and nasty temper collisions... i think the balancing was timed right.

I could survive for 1 minute, 35 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Note

Note to self - DON'T bother asking for sick days off school. Never works.

Guide To Permanent Cheerfulness

3 people have asked me in the past week how i stay cheerful. How do i get over things. Truth is, i'm not always cheerful, because that's impossible. You'd end up boasting a fake smile and some very stiff jaws by the end of the day. I've noticed how some still try this though, and as i predicted, very stiff jaws indeed. I just look at them and think "you silly bitches" or if they don't have a vagina "you silly male bitches".

Everyone seems to try and be perfect, which is no new trick in the book. Everyone tries to cover up what hurts and smile pretty and ask people pointless questions trying to distract attention from their own insecure dark secrets. I'm sick of that. I'm sure i appear as one of those fake happy people. Because i am in fact 97.5% happy. But that's because i've been through the whole fake smile period. The whole "hello, how are you?" and the "i'm great, thanks, and you?"- don't get me wrong, it's a great intro to a conversation if you actually care, but if you don't, it's a waste of words.

In fact, it scares me how much i don't care. Really. I must be some sort of heartless creature. And guess what, i'm okay with it. Whatever makes you happy, right? If worrying about your hair or make-up is how you get through your day then fine. If moaning about how much homework you have makes it easier for you to sleep, then fine. In some cases i do care, a lot. But those cases are very rare. And not rare like diamonds, rare like Beavis and Butthead fans. Yes, that's right.

I know what i have to do to make Ruru happy. The people that have asked how i stay sane and happy have gotten pretty weird answers such as "i daydream about lemons", which is correct. However, maybe they would've been less confused if i just said that i know me.

Until you know the little things about a person, you can't say you know them. And that's when it gets interesting. You then achieve a level where you can choose to make them miserable or happy, because you know how to do both. I believe that's where true human evil lies. Maybe i'm wrong. To me it's a sound explanation of true evil. The kind that's done through nothing but gestures, not even words are needed. The cruelest things can come out of that, the darkest places in people's hearts can be revealed. You don't need punches and kicks to hurt. To have true power all you need is eyes, ears and sometimes a functioning brain.

I come back to the held up shields that some hide behind everyday and think that they do it with good reason, but in a very silly way, because this only puts their weaknesses on the spotlight instead of hiding them away as they were intending. Then people like me notice, and choose.
Cruel world indeed.

Thousand Mile Wish

Cause laughing lovers can overcome their closest demons
And they'll go on and they won't let go
They saw something that they know
Has never come so close
Can it stay here for us, for now?

We'll find a line to follow
It's got to show real soon
Or we'll never reach this high

By Finger Eleven

101!!!

Today I write the 101st post =) Happy Birthday Green Diary!!!

(Much less important news but tomorrow i get my brand new belt, grading was last week, but Leopold was again kidnapped by parents so couldn't update. Yay for tkd!) =)

Mouse?

Erm, i received this chain thingy from my cousin asking me to share with the world what mouse i use to do those wonderful clicks that excite the hell out of everybody i'm sure. Um well here goes:

• It's Microsoft.
• It scrolls,
• It right clicks
• AND
• It normal clicks!!!
• AAAAAND mine's black and it's called Schlaus. Schlaus the mouse, he's german. Aren't you jealous?

It's like...amazing!!! =) LOL

Excuse my lack of ability to express my interest in computer mice technically.

P.S To cousin: I did this for you, i went to all the trouble of googling my mouse. That's how much i care...and how much free time i have... =O you owe me. =)

Also...Is this a superstitious thing, that if i don't keep the chain going i will be strangled by my own mouse or something? Oh well, tough luck. I'm sure i'll have an entertaining night... If i don't ever post again, you'll know why. Schlaus the german mouse is going to mouse hell.

The Copsonator, Murderer of Dreams

Murderer of dreams indeed. I had a dream of at least 2 weeks of no essay-ing. I had a dream so pure, so serene, peaceful, quiet, and most importantly essayless. This lovely dream of mine and of many more i'm sure, was suddenly brutally killed by mr. Copson aka evilness disguised in an old boring man. -sighs-
Oh how i "missed him" this summer holiday..

Award winning evilness. 1st prize so far. No claps. -grumpy face+evil stare-

Summer Fades, Tan Stays

It's September. I'm 4 days late on realising this but hey, better later than never, right?
Putting all mood swings and weird thoughts aside, I'm trying, really trying to get back into the school rhythm. Homework, scheduled meals, thoughtful jogs and last but certainly not least exams. Having them every year does suck major bumbum. But this year it's the mother of exams. The real deal. It's the biggy jiggy.

Last year of uniforms, last year of mandatory attendance in school. It feels weird being the top of the school. I get little year 9s asking for directions around school, when not long ago i used to be that year 9, completely lost. I still get lost now, but that's because I'm me, not because I'm new.

It's strange how despite this being the most important year before college, there's such a relaxed atmosphere around the year group. We all know each other now and we gel. I know who i like, who i hate and who i feel indifferent towards. We have earned confidence. And that feels good.

I wonder how long this feeling will last and how long until we'll all start despising school and counting down the seconds to when the last exam ends and when we are free for another 6 weeks until replay. I'm sure it won't be exact replay and that this year will be unique. However it is a make or break year in many ways. Fail this, and work in Sainsbury's. Succeed and proceed to A level.

People i haven't seen for over 6 weeks haven't changed one bit. My friends are still the best friends i could wish for. And above all my family, in England as much as Romania, make me feel at home. My home is where they are. That's how great they are. Thank you everyone for putting up with me.

Now the show must go on. Let the curtains open and let's watch the fancy essays crowd onto the stage.
-claps-

Been Here Before

Dear Diary,

Despite my initial thoughts about going back to Romania this summer, i did it. Mostly because the tickets were already booked and paid for. I didn't want to go. Let's put it this way - i didn't want to get attached to something i thought i had already let go of. Truth is, i hadn't let go. Not even close. Conclusion: I'm glad i went. I now realise that the connection with Motherland will always be there, as much as i try to get away, pretend England is motherland, it doesn't work that way.

All i can do is sigh, begin burying the constant aching and dig it right back up when i go back, or when i wake up, or when i accidentally think in Romanian. Yes, now it only happens accidentally. I hardly even dream in Romanian anymore. I dream of Romania, about it, being in it and yet the words come out in English. I even dreamt English subtitles to a Romanian dream once. If it's so hard to bury and dig back up all the memories about it, then why don't i just let it be? Because i can't. Otherwise it would erode my mind completely.

I've been through this, over and over, for the past 3 years and yet everytime i think it would be different but it isn't. It won't, for a long time if not forever.

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

You Should Play the Drums

You are often hyper, restless, and full of a little too much zeal. However, people may be surprised to know that you can focus your energy well. You are driven and engaged enough to be a great drummer... and you have the stamina to practice for hours. In fact, when you can channel your energy productively, it only increases! You are independent and spirited... but also consistent. You can definitely keep the beat. You work well in a group and contribute heartily - without needing to take the lead. Your dominant personality characteristic: your aggression Your secondary personality characteristic: your precision

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

Saturate

If I could never find you, never mind, I would not forget you.
Can I stay alive forever?

Can I feel a chemical reaction?
Because i feel a hideous attraction
Could we share a poison apple?

By Breaking Benjamin

Christianity?

Here i am sat cross legged on my bed with an overheated laptop, debating myself whether i should blog about camp or not. Because if i do, i know all the confusion about Christianity and not much camp-talk will end up being written. I've been putting this off for nearly a week now. Not because i don't know what to say, but because what i have to say about it all overwhelms me every time i think about it, and honestly it has been on my mind most of the time.

I arrived at christian camp thinking "what am i doing here, I'm not even a christian!?" and "look at all these weirdos with Bibles!!". What struck me was how all these "weirdos" somehow connected on a level that i haven't seen before, they believed in something great with all of their heart and understood each other for it. They seemed to have so much love and trust, which i still can't grasp. How can these people be so sure, so understanding, so forgiving and just so... faithful?

I've lived fine so far without belief in God or any other "above all" spirit thingy, so why contradict myself now? Maybe there is just something particularly attractive about so many people having complete trust into something Holy, that won't do them wrong. Someone they can love that loves them back and forgives them whenever they need forgiveness. Someone that makes such sacrifices and expects nothing back, just faith and love? Maybe I've got it all wrong, but that sounds great to me. And yet, it goes against what i believe in. Here's the catch, i believe in facts. But now I'm leaning over to believing that science in a reinforcement of religion, and not an opposite, or a contradiction to it.

I wasn't a christian on camp, and I'm not one now. But God, if you're really there, give me time to give you a true chance, because right now, i can't jump straight in. And save me one of those halos please, they look fun!


<< Umm...yeah. So camp was fun and....interesting!

"Your boob is comin' out of your bra, lemme help you!"
"mmm squidgy!"
"And in and out and in and out and turn around, and in and out and in and out turn around!!" :))
-raises eyebrow-




Don't ask. Really. Don't. Ssssshhht. Just walk away from the scary sock-faced guy.

Camp

So i gave camp a try this year. To begin with i only knew 2 people there who i didn't even share a tent with. This later turned out to be the best, because i have now met so many new people that i now keep in touch with, so yay to that!

Camping out for a week, in the rain, the wind, the cold and the sunny is all that more interesting with people that you don't know. The knowing each other bit didn't take too long and became friendlier and friendlier. Some VERY friendly with each other. =)

I don't have time to give a detailed story or put pictures up so this will be a short overview.

Here it goes:

• I don't regret going.
• In fact, i think it was one of the best times i've had on a trip.
• It was AWESOME.
• The tent didn't flood, which was a bonus.
• It was Christian camp, which at first made me very nervous of going, but in the end kinda made me want to become a christian. Who knew christianity could be so fun?
• There was a barndance. It was like the camp, AWESOME.
• So yeah. It kicked ass. That pretty much sums it up i think.

Half an hour older..but no wiser

It sucks trying to be a people person. LM knocked on my door about half an hour ago wanting to "hang out". Now, my answer to that would've been a clear "ummm how's NO for ya?" but i didn't say that, because nobody that is remotely polite or is trying to be polite(like me) would say that. Still, i could've said it and added "it's not personal, i just feel ill" but then that would be lying- if i choose to sin, i should at least do it properly.

It is personal and how personal it is.... I know that if i "hang out" with this person my brain will be forced to shut down after non-stop mind numbing rambling about her boyfriend. I still got a huge dose of this by just standing at my door, could've been much worse(hours..days..). I did offer her a drink twice, since i was going to listen to this shite i should at least be well hydrated, and plus the drink would've stopped her babbling ocassionally. Selfish, i know.

I tried to reason with the rambling creature and explain that my parents were out, i didn't have a key, i was ill and that i was packing to go camping- all of those should have indicated my desperate attempt NOT to hang out and were also reasonably true(i did have a key, wasn't so ill, and the packing could've waited). I tried, honest to God, but it was all for nothing. She kept talking. For HALF AN HOUR. ON MY DOOR STEP! You know how much a person can do in half an hour? I could get sunburnt in half an hour. I could walk into the forest and be attacked by a bear! I could even clean my room!! All of the above would have been less painful than listening to the mindless bullcrap. Save me.

I have come to the conclusion that my new subtle ways of telling people to fuck off aren't working, so i will go back to my old ways. Where "fuck off" means fuck off ( although i don't know how people can literally fuck off..anyways..) and "shut up and go away" means exactly that.

Good news however, going camping tomorrow, yay! =)
It all balances out.. the good and the rambling..i mean the good and the bad.
God..or whoever is up there, you owe me. Big time.

What Does Your Taste In Music Say About You?

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are reflective and complex. You are intellectual to the point of being cerebral. You are very open to new experiences, and even more open to new ideas and theories. Wisdom and personal accomplishment are important to you. You are naturally sophisticated. You are drawn to art, especially art by independent artists. You are likely to be financially well off... and not because you were born that way.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

Haven't been much of a blogger lately, in fact hardly at all. The only updates in the life of crazy are that:

• It's summer and school's out, yay!
• I'm sun burnt - not so yay!
• There are good things about living here. There's the beach.
• I'm not going to Romania this summer.
• I miss my dad and stepsister.

and let's see what else... hmmm... oh yeah.

• We ran out of peanut butter. it's a catastrophe!

I love you.

Fred

You were leafy
Skinny
And cute to look at.

Saw you one day
Said hey
And you stood still.

Stood as tall as you could
Like a giant
A miniature one.

Bugs crawled over your skin
Luckily not under
What’s your life like?

Must be quite lonely
Your roots stuck
And unholy.

Are you closer to the great fire?
Your fingers underground
Reaching with desire.

But you don’t speak human
And I don’t speak tree
Therefore I cannot relate to thee.

Varamea

You're 18 today. Your mental age is now 7, Happy Birthday! =)
I know i told you i'd bring leaves to you from England, LOL, but somehow the wind blew them away. :(
You, cousin, are one of the people that ironically i know well, but not as well as i'd like to. Moving country didn't help, and i wish we could be closer. Don't get me wrong, you're on my top friends list, and you're a VIP whenever i'm busy on messenger and yet i feel like there's a lot of awesomeness left undiscovered in you. =)

I'm proud of you. You've come a long way and now learning to drive...hmm... i think it'll be a while before i trust you to drive me anywhere =P It'd be more of an adrenaline rush than a journey.

I hope this day is going perfectly for you, because if it isn't, God is broken. Days like this should be nothing but awesomeness. You deserve it, enjoy.

Happy Multi Ani dear cousin!!!
-hugs and kisses-
lovies youuuuu

Seb

Dear Sebster,

I hope you're having a great day and an even better weekend overall with excessive hardcore partying, underage sex and alcohol. I am sure that is not how this weekend will go at all, but it's worth hoping.

I can't begin to explain what a great friend you are to me everyday and how much i look up to you. And you know why? You probably don't, since you seem to prefer to hide away in your little world and sadly block everything out of your way, good or bad. I can still see through that armour you put up and can tell you honestly that there's nothing to hide. You're brilliant and you don't know it. Well. I hope you do now, since i just said it. =)

I'm writing this in secret, since as you know, i am not allowed on my computer.
I have to end with wishing you an awesomeness birthday and REMEMBER: make a wish! I always do on an ocassion, silly, but it works...sometimes.

Take care, lotsa love

Ruru xx

Teenage Drama

Leopold aka trusty laptop has been taken away by unfair, mean mean mean parents. AGAIN.
OK so maybe i didn't explain to them that i was going camping for the weekend in enough detail, or actually maybe not at all- i honestly don't recall if i did or did not. Which just links me to being disrespectful, uncaring, unorganised and therefore an airhead.

Other than that, did Relay For Life last weekend with the camping and all, and it was ze awesomeness. A bit sunburnt though and didn't get much sleep for 24 hours. =) I have pictures, but since i have no laptop they're gonna be on later this week or not, depending on how well my persuading skills work.

I'm not meant to be online at all, like EVER so i need to speed this up.
Scratch that, my mom just walked in. Great. Goodbye internet and child rights.

Thorpe Park

A fantastic day out on rollercoasters!! My second time there.. last time didn't do Stealth because nobody would come with me!! Cowards =)





Only managed a few snaps here and there from the queues...most have people's heads in the way too :)


-Stealth

Helen: So why are we doing this again?

Ruru: Because it's fun. :))








-The Detonator


My "seatbelt" thing wouldn't open and i was stuck to the seat, which was very good while the ride was on, but not so great once it was over =)

- Ze mighty Colossus; one of if not the best ride there, closely competing with Stealth. Both are short enough for you to finish on the same breath and scream you started on.

Some other awesomeness rides were Samurai and Vortex, but i have no pictures of those.

To Megan:"If you puke on me, i will kill you."

To Everybody: "If anybody pukes, do it sideways and aim for somebody you don't like the look of"

Ruru on the Vortex to BestFriend: "If i die, you can have my dragon colection"

Just Another Day..

My exams are over now and all i can think of is how miserably i did in my maths papers this morning. I ask myself, why? What happened? I didn't use to be so bad at it, in fact i could pull off some high grades. But that was when i worked in maths, when i gave a shit. I'm expecting a C on that exam.. a C for Crap. If I'm lucky a B for Bad, or Bullshit.

I'm so curious it hurts. The results don't come back until August. AUGUST!!! Geez... I need to know early if i need to find myself a crappy job in a supermarket- by august all the chavs would have taken up the crappy dead end jobs.

And the day still goes on...quiet, cloudy and way too peaceful. It's giving me too much time to think, and it's driving me bananas and cherries!! I guess what makes it bearable are the few people that somehow i understand and that understand me. Those people are what make most days bearable, if not actually enjoyable.

The Chocolate Oracle

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don't like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you're a kid at heart... and you're nostalgic for the past. You are down to earth and lovable. A true friend, you're very tolerant and understanding. In fact, your friends' biggest problem is that they don't like each other! You love to be in love. You crave romance, whether you're single or not. You feel lost when you don't feel passion... you need someone to adore.

The Chocolate Oracle

Perfect Timing

Today started off very slow...first lesson IT, what a nightmare. By the time i got to Photography, my will to live was pretty much drained by the shockingly chavy and stupid people in my IT group. I don't mind chavs so much, but chav+stupid is a real bad combo!

I'm trying a new thing called being organised, and today i seemed to actually be enjoying it. =) I usually have things under control, but in a more chaotic way than most people would, if that makes sense. I still know what and when goes on, but nobody else does apart from me. My parents are annoyed by this extremely.

The Get Organised Operation started earlier this week (actually started last year, but failed miserably) when i asked my parents if i could go on a school trip in the fall. Oh the compromises i make for trips and friends..
I even agreed to maths revision!!!! It's insane!!!! I also finished my french essay, which was started 2 months ago. I honestly don't recognize myself. =O

It was about time somebody put some sense into me.
I just hope it lasts, being disorganised in an organised way is more fun =)

My room is still untidy, apparently. Let's take one thing at a time.

8th Kup

Got my yellow belt today!!! -jumps up and down- oh how nice it looks... :))

Yay to that! =)

I hope this huge silly smile doesn't fade off my face too soon..

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

You Are Granola

You are creative and inventive. You don't do much the ordinary or normal way. You like to explore new ideas and lifestyles. Something isn't for you just because other people do it. Quick breakfast fixes are definitely not your style. You're the type most likely to cook yourself an amazing homemade breakfast.

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

Noemi

Happy birthday sweet friend!!!
Your party was awesomeness, i hope you know,
I think we got you a bit drunk,
But you put up a fun show.

I hope you had a fantastic day and that your wishes have or will come true for you because you deserve it.
Take care and Happy Birthday Noemi!!! ...Or Buon Compleanno!!!

xoxoxoxo

No Stress No Stress No Stress!!!

Don't panic... don't panic... breathe in, no stress. Fuck it!!! I do better under pressure anyways.
I have 2 days to eat half of my chemistry, physics and biology books and less than a month to learn the whole last maths module for exam. Also i have ONE DAY to figure out what the hell the english language wants from me, because guess what? I have a GCSE in that crap Tuesday =O. Doesn't that just make you love exams? It sure frickin makes me love them.

So tonight will be a chemistry all-nighter, followed by tomorrow's frustration over english. I dread english exams...they're always so vague.. it's not something i can do proper revision for, like science- nice and straight forward. I'm doomed to excessive revision...

This sucks.

Overdose Of Lazy

So far today, i can't say i've been very productive. Screw that, i haven't been productive at all. I'm sat in my living room, with Leopold's monitor staring at me as i "multitask" by wasting time in 2 ways: watching tv AND internet browsing/chatting. It felt relaxing for the first hour or so..but now i'm just bored and annoyed. Bored because there's absolutely nothing on TV around mid day on a Thursday. Annoyed because DW is trying to fool me into adoring comic books, pokemon and manga. It's not gonna happen, OK? Quit it. Batman's cool as far as grown men in black skin tight suits and capes go... but i still won't buy all the books related to him. Same with Zelda... just let me be... i'll let you know when i become a Zelda geek, alrighty?

I tried to get away from this painful conversation with him but... he encouragingly let me know that he'd be online until 4.30 (in case i wanted to "discuss" that shit with him). If by then i don't go over to his house and murder him using a nintendo DS as a weapon, then i certainly will log off a long time before he does.

I wish i went to work today... but sadly i have the day off as i wasn't needed at the restaurant.
Exams start Tuesday, i'm stressed and most people seem to get on my nerves... grrrrrrr...
Going to try and write a story. I've had enough of annoying people today.
Then we'll see onto some more chemistry revision.

I hate school.

So...Remind Me. Who Are You Again??

Oh how i love MSN crappy convos...
It's wonderful how i can talk to over 10 people at once and not really pay attention to any of them.
I have this "e-friend" whom i don't really know at all- like really, i don't know how or why she got on my list. And yet she treats me as if i've known her all my life!! I log on...wait 5 seconds and my computer makes that sound that drives me crazy BEEEeeelllp..and there it is. Message. It's her. X_X
I'm not the most subtle person in the world so if i don't want to talk to you, you'll notice, also if i'm bored out of my mind with what you're saying- YOU'LL NOTICE. Maybe she's pretending not to notice these more than obvious signs and continues giving me her full life story and crush update. Oh dear Goddddd. Who is this person and why are they still talking? I am not smart enough to figure that question right there.

Then of course we have the male kind. Why do they all go weird on MSN? Normal face to face but on the internet...supahfreakz. Well, to make the sexism less in this paragraph i will add that everybody acts weird on the internet. I think it's because we can.

I'd much rather talk to people outside this internet box with buttons instead of words...So much quicker and easier AND more fun. I mean MSN has games too, yeah whatever, yay and shits, but i'd rather see somebody smile than have them type "LOL" or put a sucky smiley face up like this =) . And i'd rather play some quality rock paper scissors or badminton than play net tictactoe or net rockpaperscissors which btw sucks ass. Majorly.

Anyways, BestFriend coming over tomorrow in the middle of the night at the satanic unheard of hours of 7am. =) I'm really not a morning person..i hope i don't slam the door in her face and throw jelly on her head from the upstairs window. I'll just have to wait and see..

Progression

Haven't had much time to blog for the past 2 weeks, with work experience and all. But guess what?!?! They offered me a job there and they even paid me for the 2 weeks which they didn't have to pay for. =)
The babysitting is also still in progress- i'm on my way to Moneyland. LOL.

It's been quite eventful lately...with all happening at once, and i don't get a chance to write anymore. Sunday Storytime will be quite empty for a while...

Today i revised...and revised some more. Then chatted and played Sims2. Whilst chatting to various characters that sometimes enlighten me and sometimes make me want to scream and bang their heads together, i realised a potential friend in one of my so-called "mates". AK, a mate for quite a while now(months) has shown me that she can be more than a nice girl that likes pink and straightening her hair(i'm not really a pink person and i've only straightened my hair once in my entire life) Against all odds and differences i think we could become good friends. =)

This made me ponder on what i look for in a friend and figured that 2 people can be on the same wavelength even if in 2 very different universes. The wavelength can have 2 sides, no? If Russia can, then the wavelength can too! I thought of all the friends that i have and it struck me: I have a pretty damn good safety net to fall back on if it all turns tits up and it feels good. I try to keep the number of people i care about as low as possible, i guess it's safer that way, in case i have to move country again LOL.

A friend to me is somebody i'd defend with my life and take a bullet for if i had to, whereas a mate is somebody i would care enough about to cheer up and give chocolate to when they're sad. With those categories in mind, i have 3 friends. I haven't counted the mates since there are no bullets involved there, but i can tell you, the number's higher than 3. Of course i haven't counted family members and relatives since they come before anything else. Well i guess i've come quite a way from the times when a friend was just a gossip buddy and family was a money/chocolate resource.

What Kind Of Sandwich Are You?

You Are a Club Sandwich

You are have a big personality. It's hard for anyone to ignore you! You dream big. You think big. And you eat big. Some people consider you high maintenance, but you just know what you want... and when you want it. Your best friend: The Tuna Fish Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

Oh Dear...

...mom.

Today when my mom turned the radio off in the car only to start what seemed to be an endless conversation, instead of blanking out like i usually do and go to Ruruland, i listened. I do occasionally listen too, just not as often as i should. It struck me this: my mom is unhappy. This time i'm not the problem and it scares me because when i'm the cause of her unhappiness i know how to fix it, make it go away. But this time i am truly clueless, it's beyond my powers. Usually cleaning my room, revising or talking to her does the trick but this is more complicated.

She is unhappy at work... now there i can't get involved. My mother has been a teacher for 15 years, since i was born, and she is one of if not the best there is out there. However stupid british system does not let her show her true magnificence. I have seen her teach a class (hundreds actually) and she beats my school teachers by a mile, and yet her achievements are not recognised fully here, thus her being a supply teacher and not a stable, fully fledged one as she obviously should be.

Now this must be some sort of twisted God humour, because my mom is the person that annoys me and gets on my nerves more than anybody i have ever met, and yet if she is unhappy i crumble. Like a chocolate chip cookie, only worse.

Well all i can do is hug her and hope it goes away at least for now. -sigh-

What's Your Noble British Name?

Your Noble British Name Is:

Lady Winifreda Anne Somerset

What's Your Noble British Name?

Day 1

There have been a lot of "day ones" lately, but today if day 1 for braces... Oh holy mother of toothache!!!!!!!!!!! It's like somebody tightening up my whole jaw and holding it there whilst telling me that for the next 18 months i'm not allowed sweets or chewing gum- evil or what?? Holy CRAP!!! It's gonna be a longggggg 18 months...
Day 1 and counting..

Ten minutes later: Damnit it's still day 1! This shit hurts.

First Day At Work

First day went awesomenessly!!! =)
Was reasonably busy for a Monday therefore gave me enough challenges. People there are awesome also, which made it so much better... I nearly tripped over a kid whilst going to clear a table- kid was so short!!!- and i think i've polished more glasses today than i have in my entire life.

Had to learn the hard way that one should NOT pick up hot huge plates or knives right out of the dishwasher- this was proven when the knife nearly landed in somebody's eye, but luckily they didn't notice.
Another important lesson was: NEVER wear new shoes to work. Ever. Not a good idea, even if you think they'll be fine, they actually won't. Felt like i was stepping on glass and brushing against cactuses..

One of the pluses of this job is that i get free lunch right from the chef- i had prawns!! =) Lunch took away some of the pain from my feet. =)
Overall a very good start; it felt like i made a good start with all the staff and i enjoy working with them.
Thumbs up! So far so good.

How Green Is Your Life?

Your Life is 76% Green

You live a very green life, and you're aware of how your actions help the earth. Of course, it's hard to be totally green. But when you make a tradeoff, you know why you're making it.

How Green Is Your Life?

Mission Babysitter - Successful

Babysitting last night went pretty damn awesomely. I did of course imagine the worst (having to tie them to the car and run out of the burning house whilst a kid was hanging on to my hair and puking) but fortunately kids like me more than i like them. Yay to that. Actually, i sort of like them- cool kids they are. Somehow i related to them- maybe because their ages relate to my maturity levels? Yeah... shockingly enough we had fun. And i got paid to watch somebody else's TV, which btw is HUGE. Going again next Friday, apparently kids gave me a good report. =)

In Business!

Oh and what a week it's been... and it's not over yet- one more day with 2 more practice exams and 5-6 hours of sweet school torture. I'm in over my head with coursework, essays, exam papers, and this week also food poisoning- not cool.

Tomorrow though is where it all starts spiralling towards long awaited WORK. Yes, tomorrow i officially start working. Babysitting is a start anyways; i meet the brats tomorrow...God help me. Anyways it all gets better Monday- waitressing starts then. =)

Now...since exams don't take any notice of my otherwise pilling up schedule, some chemistry revision needs doing. I want Saturday...........

Oooooo No You Didn't!!

A weekend of ups and downs directly proportional to computer and no computer. Aaaahhhh so i'm grounded. They took Leopold away from me twice, so they were mad at me and i was mad at them. Well, of course i would be mad, it's dear Leopold, my beloved laptop!!! Story goes that on Thursday night i spent "too much time" on it, since on Wednesday i hadn't even turned it on. It got ugly when on Friday afternoon i noticed an empty space on my desk- not good! I gave them the evils and the usual grunting and moaning of a computerless teenager so we came to an agreement. I love that. We compromise on stuff so well that if there was a compromising championship we'd win it. I guess that's what makes this family work. I agreed to 2 hours a day (including homework or research online) on the computer and they agreed to extend this after a while, when they know they can "trust me not to abuse it". Fair enough. I have exams anyways so it actually sounds like a good plan.

Otherwise an awesome weekend with some awesomeness good old quality friends&family time.

What Kind of Cheesecake Are You?

You Are a Chocolate Cheesecake

Rich and greedy, you're attracted to the dark side of life. Nothing ever quite satisfies your inner beast. And somehow, people find that sexy.

What Kind of Cheesecake Are You?

=)

I finally graded last night!!! It was in Bridgwater which is a 2 hour drive away and could be called ChavVille, but contrasting the awful town, my grading went awesomely. Everybody was a complete stranger to me apart from my mom and my instructor; i don't know what i would've done without them there for moral support. After i was done my instructor gave me a cheerly thumbs up and so did my mom when i looked for her in the crowd for reassurance. I was so so nervous i think i didn't breathe through the whole thing. Finished with an A pass and a mention!! Mom told me that when i was called to stand up for i had received an A pass, she jumped up dancing through all the people and screaming. LOL... Insane? Maybe. Happy? Definitely.
I guess the 4 hours of driving, the hour and a half there and the exhaustion of a full day payed off after all. =)

Violet Hill

Radio 1 has played Coldplay- Violet Hill for the first time today and since then i can't stop listening to it. Coldplay is pure genius...
My music preferences change every week or so, meaning next week i might be obsessed with Britney Spears. Ya never know.

P.S grading tomorrow. =)

Broken Ending

Love and Happiness were walking down Peace Avenue, when Heartbreak came along with a gun and killed them.

Kick Wobble Wobble Wobble

There's this guy, John, in my taekwondo class and well... he isn't the fittest person in the world, if you know what i mean. Now i don't discriminate against a little gut, but this guy has like a... superXXLgut. Everything else is normal-ish sized though. We were free sparring, and everytime we end up together i aim for the belly-wobble. Since it's meant to be non-contact, i kicked it properly right at the end, not so it hurt, but just to satisfy my need to know how exactly "it would react" - as expected it wobbled as if in slow mo' like old jelly. He looked at me with a very surprised expression on his face =) Highlight of my day. I am so mean sometimes.

Are You a Hippie?

You're Not Exactly a Hippie...

While you're not a hippie, you've got the spirit of one. Like most hippies, you have deep beliefs and unusual interests. You may not buy into hippie fashions, music, or heavy drug use. But at heart, you are a free spirit and suspicious of the status quo.

Are You a Hippie?

Dentist Horror

School was off today because NUTty teachers are on strike- i don't mind since i get to have a lay in whilst they're butchering the government into paying them more.

My day was not as relaxing as planned, after i went to the dentist for a tooth extraction.
On the way there i was imagining, you know, blood baths and saws and hammers for teeth and stuff, but after she finished pulling at my tooth i realised it wasn't so bad after all. I mean yeah, she used an anaesthetic and there was no knee-on-chest-yank-it-out sort of thing. No no, my swedish dentist is very cautious. Maybe she reads minds and read mine and discovered that i don't deal with pain. Not very well anyways. Last time i had a tooth extraction, at age 7, i think i kicked my dentist. Reflex or just revenge? I don't know, but i was NOT a happy bunny. Evil lady she was, old and cranky and midget-like. Bad bad memories.
Ah no worries, Cliff was there- otherwise i might've kicked this one too, although she used an anaesthetic and i'm 8 years older and wiser.

Cliff told me some stories about his horror dentist and apparently once he pulled out the wrong tooth. LOL that does not sound fun. His dentist was apparently "a huge ginger guy". Well, i guess that's scarrier than mine then.

Another extraction on Tuesday. So then i won't be able to chew with either sides of my mouth. Oh joys of being a kid.

Birthdeh Parteh

I did quite well from my birthday this year. I got all i wanted. =)
All partied out today... yesterday i was running around all day from 7am. Party itself was great!! Everybody seemed to have a blast, so it's all good. We danced, we sung, we ate. We played games involving wooden spoons, blindfolds, touching people up, chopsticks, bottles and balloons. The music was loud, the food was great and the laughs were around.

Thank yous:

• Parents- nothing got broken but the carpet got slightly stained and a few scratches/marks on the walls. Thank you for the patience.
• Friends- presents were amazing, some fattening and some stunning, but all much appreciated. Thank you for giving me ze awesomeness of a 15th birthday. =)
  

Colours

The first day that I was allowed to leave the hospital I woke up and saw red. I thought it was a dream, so I shook my head. Nothing's changed. Panicking now, what if I'm hurt? Bleeding? I checked my head and traced the line of blood across my forehead right to the back of my head. I am bleeding, but how, when, why?

Delano entered the room as he heard me screaming the loudest scream he and probably the neighbourhood have ever heard. With a puzzled, worried look on his face he hugs me. It frustrates me that he can't see it. How can he just be so ignorant? I am obviously bleeding from the head, and he appears to me as a big red blob. I open my mouth to speak out in protest but i can't. He starts speaking to me instead. Telling me how it'll be okay, that it was just a dream. He must be crazy, he's talking nonsense; how dare he think I'm dreaming?

There was this other unidentified red creature that I noticed standing in the doorway, watching me with big red eyes. And another, then some more, until I had at least 4 people around me.
These red strangers seemed to care, strangely enough. On the other hand, they seemed to be circling, waiting to pounce, maybe attack? This scared me and my blood pressure started rising steadily until I found my whole body to be the colour of my surroundings. I had to get out of there and start heading towards the steps. After the first step I remember everything spinning, upside down and twirling, and then black.

I woke up and saw green. Wow, this is pretty! Maybe I'm on Mars. I always wanted to go there, but I never imagined it would be so green!
I'm overwhelmed by a fresh smell- grass probably. Reggae music is playing from somewhere below and I notice some little, green, grass smelling, blobby yet friendly creatures appearing and climbing towards me. They stop and smile at me, signing me to follow them down there. I step forwards and I hear an evil laugh behind me. I turn around abruptly, only to find one of the blobs giggling at me and in the next fraction of a second it pushes me. I fell and it all went hazy green, then dark.

I woke up and saw nothing. Black.

Farewell Popsy..

Dear Popsy,

I will miss your slow reactions, and your forever crashing system. Your very low performance processor and your lack of capability to do the simplest tasks, your inexistent ability to burn disks or play DVDs and games, were a very big part of my life.
Your tickle button wouldn't let me click on anything and would dance around the screen clicking by itself on things that again, made you crash and then refuse to start up again, so that i couldn't finish my english essay.
Typing with you was always an adventure that made my blood boil and make me so angry that i actually wanted to uninstall your mother, Windows. I apologize if getting a new keyboard insulted your perfectly compact yet useless keyboard that had and still has missing letters.

It's time to look forward and i'm sorry that i have cheated on you with a newer, faster, higher resolution version of you, but c'est la vie, my friend. You aren't getting any younger. Your casing is nearly wrinkly, your keyboard is getting dust from not being used and we all know that you have only a few gigabytes to go before you're full up and overweight. Maybe you shouldn't have had so many cookies then. Need to know when to stop.
Maybe it's my fault for not keeping them away from you and for not scanning your health daily, for that i'm sorry. Maybe if i did, i wouldn't have had to cheat.

Leopold is the better you. Fully functional, speedy, with a functional keyboard he reminds me of a younger you.
I'll never forget how your viruses ate my programs and some pictures, still lost today. Funny how when Windows crashed on both of us, i pleaded you to come back to life and you did, for me. =) You looked out for me, keeping the net pervs away and i looked out for you, formatting disk C once in a while.
Remember this though, you were my first. Before you, Popsy, i was a laptop virgin.
Now i have to go, Leopold requires some installations.
Farewell my dear computer, we've had some fun times, some annoying times, and some kill-me-now-i-hate-technology times, but i'll focus on the good parts.

P.S I'm sorry i never got the full version of Norton for you.

What Colour Heart Do You Have?

Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love. And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone. Your flirting style: Hyper Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for! Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded What you bring to relationships: Energy

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Holy S***!!!

Au contraire to my parents' beliefs, i do also use the Internet for some good geek info.
Browsing through cracked.com i found an article about 6 Gruesome Disorders Anyone Can Get that completely shook me. That shit's scary. My "favorite" is the Cavernous Sinus Granulomatosis, which pains you like a nail stuck through your eye, in other words, painful shit!!
And I quote:
"Cavernous sinus granulomatosis is a condition where channels behind the eye become inflamed, putting pressure on the bundles of nerves behind it. These nerves, not having the chops to secure a legitimate gig doing pain sensation on the outside of the body, can't miss their time to shine and really lay it on thick. This can also cause blurred vision and a tingling sensation in the forehead, but most patients seem to focus on the OH MY HOLY FUCK sensation of a nail in their eye."

This wins the Ruru Award for "Most Painful Shit" for April 2008. No yay to that.

French Mute Dispute

Had french today. Usually the highlight of my school day, but not this time.
This time i managed to step off on the wrong foot with SR. Damn.
I hate arguing with friends, but even worse is when they are upset and refuse to tell me what's going on. Don't get me wrong, i'd always be in for a good argument, but not when it involves upsetting people I care about.
Turns out it was a misunderstanding, with him believing I was mad at him for not being able to come to my party because of personal issues. Oh those awkward silences...hate 'em. Truly.

After the lesson i burst and had to say something, so we sorted things out. We both opened up and i think he ended up grasping that i was in fact, not mad at him at all. Feelings out, opinions understood, compromise and hug it off. That's how things should be between friends. Neither SR or me are the kind to hold grudges so we're still ze awesomeness. Yay to that! =)