It's that wonderful time of year when british kids my age get to apply to post 16 education, and since i am in this country, i might as well abide by the rules and regulations. I know where i want to go, what i want to do, and i believe i am in control - for now. And yet i find myself feeling something that i don't understand. It's nearly...fear. I have come to fear my own feelings, how pathetic.